OH FUCK

I should really begin to start this thing up again. FALLING BEHIND but not like it matters.  Any who.  The new school year is here. I finally got everything under control which is great.  I just have to wait till this shitty university fixes their mistakes.  Which is giving me a killer headache.  They fucked up on so much of my shit.  I had to take out a loan to save my classes and whale whale whale ect ect ect.

IN OTHER NEWS a couple months back I adopted a new kitten.  Her name is Artemis and she is the cutest  little fucker ever.

The fucks who had her and her sisters last wanted the animal shelter to euthanize them. (hope i spelled that right) AND well just because the litter was born from a feral mother, the dumb assholes thought WHALE they are feral too so take them out.  I just looked at the vet tech like wtf.  What shit hole did these people come from and why do you not know about how life works.  But anyway that is Artemis when I got her.  She has gotten alot bigger recently!

LOOK AT THIS CUTE LITTLE WHITE THING

I know shes adorable :3  My other cat Vincent has been with me for about 8 years and at first he didn't know what to do with her but he tolerates her. LOL

I am really not used to having a playful cat since well Vincent growing up was always so serious and well.. I liked that I guess.  My old fashioned folks aren't used to animals so much and it was easier on me keeping him then trying to find another home for him. ALL THAT IS IN THE PAST THOUGH.

Here is my black cat Vincent!  He is the most serious cat you will ever meet. Idk how he puts up with my bullshit.  Maybe cuz I feed him and clean his poop up.  Everyone loves servants. LOL
Whale...I guess thats it for now.  I gotta take my mom to her psychiatrist today.  Her meds have been giving her some kind of crazy reactions lately.  I was in the hospital with her a couple of days ago.  As soon as I get there she is smiling at me like HEY.  And I just shake my head at her like WTF MOM.  I can't really keep a 5 min conversation with her so of course she asks me some weird questions.  For those curious my mom is Schizophrenic and has been before I was born but you know its okay.  Any who I had to wait for the actual Doc. to see what happened.  Nothing was terribly wrong it was just she was having some sort of reactions to her medicine.  As if it was too strong now.  Idk if that is a good thing or a bad thing but all I know is that she either needs a new medication OR she needs a lower dosage.  BUT WE SHALL SEE.  Alright guys leave me stuff or like or idk

STAY BEAUTIFUL

FUCK ME RIGHT?

ALRIGHT I'm back from a couple of days of wtfuckness.  Anyway nothing too crucial.  My old man is back in the hospital for the nth time this month.  No complains but...shits getting real too fast.  I mean....it's always been real lmao.  Bear with me please.  I am kinda freaking out a bit.  I guess that is the anxiety talking because I feel like.... someone gave me a fucking dose of cocaine or something.  I continuously took at the time as if something is telling me I'm running out of time.  Its insane really.  I'm just on edge from everything.

Yesterday I was talking to a family member and well that didn't go well.  My uncle had told me I should do something else instead of wasting my time.  WASTING MY TIME....wow... So apparently wasting my time by going to college to get a degree and you know....I guess get a higher paying job is a waste of my time.  Actually it does bother my a whole lot.  I could take it from everyone else cause I don't give a shit.  I could take all the time I want, you stupid shit.  But the fact is that he is now around me more since my grandpa's health is declining and the duel for the house is soon to be initiated.  BUT BACK TO MY MAIN GOD DAMN POINT.  He tells me I'm wasting my time by going to college when he himself hasn't progressed very far.  I was infuriated but you know..  I began thinking about it.  Maybe I am wasting my precious youth on something so arbitrary and cliche.  I could join the military and see the world.  And well......I'm very confused at the moment.  Hah...from a mere sentence I have began to over think my life.

WELL that shows you how retarded and messed up I am.  Sticks and stones right?  Well on the other hand I try not to give a shit what he says because well, it's my life and I can choose which course is best for ME.  Except there is one problem.  I cannot become selfish.  I have a mother who isn't right psychologically and I am her only daughter.  I have baggage.  I don't want to seem like I'm complaining but rather I think I'm making it seem like I have an excuse.  I suppose that's what it looks like.  Not only her I have to think about my father since he is hitting 70 soon and well who is going to take care of him too?  He should be retiring soon and I'm only in my 3rd year of college!

I just....don't know.  Its the future that scares me of course, along with many others lmao. I have to leave for school soon so.  I'll be back later this week or next week.

Chao~

OH HAI

Good morning faggots I'm up way too early.  I wake up too early for this shit seriously but well fuck.  I dragged my self to school today.  Not ready for the day of course.  I was thinking all night about death and shit like usual.  Hmm... well alot less than when I was a kid.  But over all, thinking about death is normal since I have elder family members that are slowly going and what not.  Yeah, deep shit right?

But its a part of life unfortunately.  But going through it is a different story for everyone.  In my case I just.  Have so much regret of course.  As a kid they raised me since well, my mom wasn't capable of raising me right.  Not because she didn't want to but well she couldn't.  Its funny really because I always thought she hated me or something.  But I still love her of course.  Any way.  Back to death before I get side tracked. Pretty much things are going to change and well I wish I knew what was going to happen after this ordeal but well thats a thing called life.  I just have to go day by day in this shitty ferriswheel till my own time is up.  For now I just want to get lost in my work.  

I have no crappy pictures for you today unfortunately because well. I'm at my derpy college with derpy computers and shit. 

Yeah.....Ima go now

chao~

NEW BLOG UP

I call it my shitty rants or something along those lines.  

I was looking for a place to vent so well what the hell, why not make use of this free service.  Well for starters I am trucking my way through midterms like every other person right now.  It really has been hell and I wish I stopped being a gigantic procrastinator! But on the other side of things, my life or what I seem to believe to have, is pretty much like a dried up well waiting for the annual rain to come down and re freshen me. 

Other than damn college life, my fucked up personal problems seem to be stacking up to make this shitty tower of fuck you.  I learned to isolate myself from this but in doing so, I sooner or later HAVE to come back to that tower and destroy what I have created in the first place.  Yet usually I just resort to drowning my cares away with alcohol.  I mean well fuck, its my favorite placebo for this infection.  I'm notinto drugs cause well my mother is Schizophrenic so I don't need an extra boost to get me to where she is.  I really don't want to go down that road right now so I will leave it as that.