FUCK ME RIGHT?

ALRIGHT I'm back from a couple of days of wtfuckness.  Anyway nothing too crucial.  My old man is back in the hospital for the nth time this month.  No complains but...shits getting real too fast.  I mean....it's always been real lmao.  Bear with me please.  I am kinda freaking out a bit.  I guess that is the anxiety talking because I feel like.... someone gave me a fucking dose of cocaine or something.  I continuously took at the time as if something is telling me I'm running out of time.  Its insane really.  I'm just on edge from everything.

Yesterday I was talking to a family member and well that didn't go well.  My uncle had told me I should do something else instead of wasting my time.  WASTING MY TIME....wow... So apparently wasting my time by going to college to get a degree and you know....I guess get a higher paying job is a waste of my time.  Actually it does bother my a whole lot.  I could take it from everyone else cause I don't give a shit.  I could take all the time I want, you stupid shit.  But the fact is that he is now around me more since my grandpa's health is declining and the duel for the house is soon to be initiated.  BUT BACK TO MY MAIN GOD DAMN POINT.  He tells me I'm wasting my time by going to college when he himself hasn't progressed very far.  I was infuriated but you know..  I began thinking about it.  Maybe I am wasting my precious youth on something so arbitrary and cliche.  I could join the military and see the world.  And well......I'm very confused at the moment.  Hah...from a mere sentence I have began to over think my life.

WELL that shows you how retarded and messed up I am.  Sticks and stones right?  Well on the other hand I try not to give a shit what he says because well, it's my life and I can choose which course is best for ME.  Except there is one problem.  I cannot become selfish.  I have a mother who isn't right psychologically and I am her only daughter.  I have baggage.  I don't want to seem like I'm complaining but rather I think I'm making it seem like I have an excuse.  I suppose that's what it looks like.  Not only her I have to think about my father since he is hitting 70 soon and well who is going to take care of him too?  He should be retiring soon and I'm only in my 3rd year of college!

I just....don't know.  Its the future that scares me of course, along with many others lmao. I have to leave for school soon so.  I'll be back later this week or next week.

Chao~